First off, no, I don’t actually think you are a toxic person.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n I don’t think anyone who’s said any of these phrases is actually a toxic person. I just started thinking back through some of the comments that have been said to me since Josiah\u2019s birth; since people found out that he is not like other children. Phrases like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s going to be so hard,\u201d or \u201cYou knew before?\u201d in a tone that insinuates “… and you still chose to have him?” At not quite three months old, the list is short, thankfully, but it comes with the hard realization that I will probably face these kinds of comments for the rest of my life. And, even worse, the comments and looks that Josiah will face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It made me think about the kinds of phrases that are probably best left unsaid to moms of kids with disabilities. I can’t pretend to know much about this seeing as I haven’t been a mom for long. But, I can tell you my experiences thus far and how they made me feel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have to tell you that my feelings toward these phrases can pretty much be summed up in one word: hate. I hate these phrases. I consider hate to be a very strong word that should not be used lightly and should just about never be used at all, but I don\u2019t know a better way to put it at this time. And, I can tell you saying \u201chate\u201d beats the expletives that I\u2019ve wanted to use and have written out and erased; we can thank the good LORD for that. Ooo, Jesus, hold me back and change my heart because You know I need serious help in all this, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m a new mom of a kid with disabilities … so yes, mama-bear mode is hot and heavy.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n To best convey the root issue that launches so many painful emotions for me (and maybe other moms of kids with disabilities), I\u2019ll share a couple experiences. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One day, my older brother showed a favorite photo of Josiah to a coworker. In the picture, you can see Josiah\u2019s differences. In response, the guy asked if we knew before Josiah was born that he would be the way he is. My brother said, \u201cyes.\u201d And the guy went on to say, \u201cI don\u2019t think I could do it.\u201d It didn\u2019t unravel me when I first heard the story, but man did it sear into my brain and linger till my true feelings exploded. How. Dare. He.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How could you look at my baby, at his sweet face, and say that you don\u2019t think you could do it? I\u2019m sorry, don\u2019t think you could do what, sir? I understand that this man meant no harm whatsoever by his statements. In fact, I\u2019ve had people make other statements in what I believe was an effort to be kind. Things like, \u201cyou\u2019re stronger than me,\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re a better person than me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is MY BABY you’re talking about.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n But, with each one of them, I\u2019ve felt a deep burn like fire ready to smoke out my nose and send flames out of my mouth. I\u2019ve always been cordial and chose not to say how the phrases actually made me feel. Right now, I\u2019m going to try to keep from starting any fires and pray that Jesus speaks His words of love, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The truth is, in most of these moments, people just don\u2019t know. They have no idea that they\u2019re saying a hurtful phrase. Heck, I didn\u2019t know it before they said it. Being new to motherhood and to life with a child who has evident differences, I\u2019m discovering that I already err on the side of too easily offended, which God specifically says not to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most people can\u2019t imagine the line of thinking that might result from a comment like, \u201cyou\u2019re a better person than me.\u201d I\u2019m a better person because you wouldn\u2019t want my son, or you wouldn\u2019t be able to love him like I do? These are the kinds of thoughts that roll through my mind. And the truth is, we all make this mistake in some form or fashion out of just plain ignorance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tone and context can change everything.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n Now would be a good time to share another experience. We have a very sweet neighbor, genuine guy, who told me that he didn\u2019t know what to say. He didn\u2019t know whether to say sorry or that\u2019s hard, etc. He was honest. So, despite tossing around some phrases that could be hurtful, his humble, kind demeanor made everything more than fine. In fact, it was a pleasant little conversation and good for both of us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ultimately, we have most likely all said something that offended someone and not had a clue what we did. I know that I have a bad tendency of assuming that a person means something that they don\u2019t. So, in all this, God will most certainly be working on me. He\u2019s good about pointing out my hypocritical thoughts; helping me to consider more possibilities, and, ultimately, to have more hard conversations, so He can unearth issues in my heart and in others\u2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Recently, I\u2019ve found myself swept up in the Instagram Reels and Tik Tok craze. I really do enjoy making those silly, short videos. One especially popular audio track circling the platforms is: \u201cSee that toxic person, walk the other way.\u201d It\u2019s set to music, so it can easily get stuck in your head. Video-makers have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2276,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[10],"tags":[38,39,37],"class_list":["post-2275","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-musings","tag-kids-with-disabilities","tag-limb-different","tag-moms"],"yoast_head":"\n
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