It's not okay. It's not better. Life is just more manageable with each day. Losing someone too soon is the most awful experience I know. It's final. Even with believing in eternity, there is a finality to losing someone too early. They are gone from this earth. Time here will never be the same now. I'm grateful that I know I'll see him again, but I don't get to see him today. I don't get to talk to him tomorrow. I don't get to see him at Christmas. I don't get to send him photos and videos of Josiah as he gets older. And that's just me. That doesn't even touch all that he misses now. Grief is so hard. I appreciate the love and patience.
Josiah's expression = our feelings on archaic, fashion rules. 🤍
Happy 1st Birthday, Josiah!!!
Realizing that the memories you shared as the oldest two are now solely in your hands ... Watching Rover Dangerfield. Putting underwear on your heads and army crawling out of your rooms to sneakily see what mom and dad are watching. Getting to see Disney channel movies that your Nana recorded on VHS for you that you watched on a tiny box tv that fit in-between the driver and passenger seats on road trips. Playing Pokemon on a Gameboy and getting the cards to trade with neighborhood kids before Pokemon's true colors emerged (still being determined to this day lol). Finally getting to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and realizing that you and dad were right when you said it's literally so stupid. Seeing me tell everyone that I was running away carrying my ladybug backpack and then turning back when I made it to the road because they yelled for me to get my butt back there and obviously I had to listen. Playing Super Nintendo Donkey Kong, Super Mario World, StarFox, and then the first PlayStation games like Tony Hawk, Tetris, and Tekken with Mal and Levi. Garnering a deep love for 80s music and John Denver after hours and hours of it on road trips. Discovering the awesomeness of Coldplay when the church intern lived with us. Scat singing jazz sounds with each other just because. Texting each other in "homie" language. Racing down or up stairs on Christmas to see the exciting array of gifts. Leading Mal and Levi in how we do Christmas morning - maybe sleep, then wake up at like 3 am to play games until we were allowed to wake up Mom and Dad, until we got too old and they had to get us up, too. Getting a puppy, oh sweet Angel, on Christmas and then causing everyone to not get to keep her because we didn't do a good job of taking care of her even though poor Mal tried. Two air conditioning units later she went to a home better suited for her. Having the bus driver stick up for us when kids were just plain jerks. Making a deal that if we didn't find spouses by 30, we would then be allowed to online date. Having many hard and many deeply good conversations. So much more. I love you, Zac. ❤️ Have wanted so badly to text that to you today.
I wish you could hug me right now. I miss you so much.
Before becoming a mom, I was a little scared of how it would/could change my life. Honestly, I had a lot of selfish thoughts about losing my freedom.
So very grateful for this gem I get to call mom. I am learning more and more what an incredibly selfless mother and wife she has always been and continues to be. Thank you for being such a beautiful example of Gods love to me and so many others.
Thank you for making me a mom. ❤️💙❤️
And now, we backpack every weekend!
So many amazing views. 🏜️
Kissing with two hats is hard. 😘
Feeling on top of the world at the bottom of the Grand Canyon!
We are all about this Grand Canyon life! #optoutside
It's road-trip time. 🤠😎 #GrandCanyonorbust
I love this view. ❤️💙❤️
Thirty, Flirty and Thriving.
Kisses on Kisses on Kisses.
My Shopping Buddy.
My Boys. 😍